I used to have a rather sucky life. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage, I didn’t feel as if I had any life outside of the four walls of my home and I felt trapped in a Bill Murray inspired Groundhog Day movie where washing, cleaning, tidying and cooking took centre stage. I woke up feeling rather ‘meh’ every day and couldn’t see a way out of it. What was there to look forward to? Nothing. What did I have to offer the world? Nothing. What was the point in anything? Well for me, at that point in time there wasn’t any point. I got up every day, did the same things over and over until the kids went to bed so I could watch the same old drivel on the idiot box and crawled into bed feeling as bad as I did when I woke up. Day after day, night after night, I was completely miserable.
I actually thought at one point that I might be depressed, but having suffered with severe depression after I gave birth to my fourth bambino I knew depression felt different. I knew that there were things that I could do to stop myself from feeling so spectacularly rubbish but I didn’t feel as if they were an option. I felt completely stuck hating life and not being able to do a damn thing about it.
The thing was, I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own life. Oh at the time I felt like I was, but in reality I felt that it was the fault of other people, my circumstances, my past and pretty much anything else you can think of. The problem with that is that it made me feel as if I had no control, when in reality I had passed control of my life to others, I had ‘allowed’ other people to make me feel a certain way and I’d chosen to play the victim. Luckily for me (and for you) changing my life was as simple as choosing to take responsibility for it.
After a LOT of deliberating, to-ing and fro-ing, deciding to take responsibility for my life and then changing my mind. I did it. I stood on top a cliff looked back and saw the big rose-tinted cloud of safety, knowing what was in there, knowing it didn’t make me happy but not wanting to leave it just yet. Then looking down at the water, crashing against the rocks, not knowing whether I’d hit them on the way down, not knowing what lay beneath, whether I’d even surface let alone be able to swim in the choppy waters. But one option looked decidedly more inviting than the other and I leapt!
Are you where you want to be right now? (no I don’t mean sat in front of your computer!) If not, you need to stand up and OWN IT! Say, “This is where I am and I’m the only one who can change it!” Where you are right now is a direct result of your actions or in some cases, in-actions and I guarantee you that once you realise that where you are is down to you, you’ll want to change it and that one thought will eat away at you until you do! In an unhappy relationship? Change it or ditch it. In a job you hate? Find a way to love the job you do, find a new one, re-train, create a dream job for yourself. Hate the way your life feels? Change it up, switch it about, try something new. Create great big bonkerdoodles dreams for your future and go out there and make it happen!
You’re free to live your life EXACTLY the way you choose. The question is………are you brave enough to live free?